oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this beer tastes like vomit already
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize