We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
