he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
