You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
