my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
