If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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