I just made out with a guy for $7.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
