with your own penis?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
