Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
