my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
