I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize