Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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