jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
