we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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