My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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