so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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