the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
