i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
