dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
