I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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