did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
