Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
