I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
