How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
