im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Randomize
