i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
