Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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