his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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