Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
