is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
