dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
