3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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