I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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