Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
