dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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