tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
