My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
