Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
