why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
