fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
