Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I did not marry a roomba.
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