she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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