We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
