U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
