And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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