Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
