sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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