u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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