You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
