Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
