thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
