I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
