My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
