You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
