My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
