I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Life is so much better after having sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Drunk is not a location!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
