Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
