I think im going to throw up on grandma
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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