I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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