Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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