if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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