I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
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just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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