Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
