We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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