Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize