shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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