she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
