we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
