You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
