Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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